Tuesday, January 31, 2017
Tuesday 01/31
Sunday and Monday were very quiet low movement days. Sunday we watched the entire first season of Vikings. Then, shame on me, I showed Mom how to find Amazon Video. She spent all of Monday watching the first season of Outlander. Yeah, ickipoo, but it made her happy.
I have started walking around the neighborhood because I just cannot sit on my butt so much of the time.
Monday, Mom pulled out her safe and produced all her papers; POA, Last will, NDR, insurance, investments, and a partially completed "When I Die" book. There is also a folder on Funeral services but nothing has been purchased. Some other financial stuff, but certainly not all of it.
Some documents need updates as far as addresses, car and title and a few other things.
There is also a duplicate of Chase Bank credit cards. One account from AARP, another from Amazon. I am going to call and see if they can be combined.
Sooooo, time for the family lawyer to review. I called Bevie today and asked for a call. Hope she can come over soon to advise if there is anything else that will be needed. Also need to make decision about REAL Services....they have called again.
I called Dave Stewart @ BE to get advise on Bevies home office. He had good advise and reported the success for the BE Home offices. I'll share the info with Bevie. That be the end of techno conversations.
Today Mom has haircut appointment @2:30. The we will go to the grocery....AGAIN. The food situation is difficult for me. Mom's diet is horrible and she is totally stubborn about what to eat and how to prepare it. I'll try again tonight with some stuff I think she will like. HOPE. At least I won't be digging around. Mom is still resistant to my diet.
Doc appointment tomorrow. I need info from everyone about what sort of questions should be posed to Dr. Mertz about Mom's condition, meds and expectations going forward.
Mom's hip is still pain free. She is moving faster and standing up straighter.
Going over to Barbies tomorrow night to watch Vikings last two episodes for this season. Need some time away from Mom. Get stuff to make Tortolinni soup and maybe some good bread and cheese?
That be it for now.....
Sunday, January 29, 2017
Snatchsquash Sisters Day Out
Sunday January 29
I enjoyed the day out together with Barbie, Bevie and Mom. yesterday. Massage, lunch, toes, a driving tour and a movie! All cackle-full fun!
I was tired when I got back to Mom's. Typically, I don't spend whole days out except when Greg and I go to the races, but yesterday was very good for me. I don't spend time out with women anymore and it was a strong and pointed revelation for me. Experience replaced by memory......
Barbie lead the charge and I loved hearing her laugh so much. I saw her profile often in the car. She is beautiful.
Technology Note: I would prefer if Bevie used her professional IT guy to handle her hardware and software needs. Bevie and I are missing a common language about tech and we don't share a sphere of understanding. The topic discussions lean toward uncomfortable for me. I think we DO share a place of discomfort for subjects that we don't feel competent and confident in our understanding.....
I miss Greg.
I am learning so much about Mom. It is fascinating to observe her, hear her, watch her without internal reaction. I do not feel the old juice of being the hero, and I don't feel any loss of the feeling. The difference between helping and knowing how to "make right/fix". Yesterday I scolded myself for not learning to interact with her this way long ago. Maybe I could feel some love, compassion and connection to her by now. Sadly, I still don't feel those things.
Mom fascination from yesterday: the power of her male dominate filters. Her only comment about the movie "Hidden Figures" was that the astronauts were very brave men. Her only comment about the black women heros was that "that is how it was". So interesting to hear those very words used repeatedly by both white and black characters in the movie.
Most impressive for me again is her translation of "different" into "threat". Be it food, clothes, any people who stray from old Wasp cultural morals it seems she feels/sees a threat lurking all around. She feels judged, so she judges back.
Hip surgery: I have an oogatie feeling. There is something about it running around inside Mom. She was very very worried about "taking the spotlight" from Barbie and her surgery. Took me awhile to back-figure that one. Also whenever she visits the clinic she needs a wheel chair, presenting herself as very weak from pain. I know it is IMPOSSIBLE for her to have manipulated this situation into being, but fuck, at times it feels like she did.
Health note: Mom is coughing again at night. Wet and hard coughs. She presses her hands on her upper chest and it takes several seconds for her to breathe normally again. After the shower she had a difficulty breathing, after being in the the cold evening air she had difficulty breathing. Normal for COPD? Is there something else that could/should be done or is it just how it is and will be?
I hope that tomorrow we can begin to sort and arrange her paper work. I am intentionally wrapping all the conversations in strong statements about how this information will be needed in the future, but not now....Navigating thru and around the castles of denial is gonna be a fun trip.
I enjoyed the day out together with Barbie, Bevie and Mom. yesterday. Massage, lunch, toes, a driving tour and a movie! All cackle-full fun!
I was tired when I got back to Mom's. Typically, I don't spend whole days out except when Greg and I go to the races, but yesterday was very good for me. I don't spend time out with women anymore and it was a strong and pointed revelation for me. Experience replaced by memory......
Barbie lead the charge and I loved hearing her laugh so much. I saw her profile often in the car. She is beautiful.
Technology Note: I would prefer if Bevie used her professional IT guy to handle her hardware and software needs. Bevie and I are missing a common language about tech and we don't share a sphere of understanding. The topic discussions lean toward uncomfortable for me. I think we DO share a place of discomfort for subjects that we don't feel competent and confident in our understanding.....
I miss Greg.
I am learning so much about Mom. It is fascinating to observe her, hear her, watch her without internal reaction. I do not feel the old juice of being the hero, and I don't feel any loss of the feeling. The difference between helping and knowing how to "make right/fix". Yesterday I scolded myself for not learning to interact with her this way long ago. Maybe I could feel some love, compassion and connection to her by now. Sadly, I still don't feel those things.
Mom fascination from yesterday: the power of her male dominate filters. Her only comment about the movie "Hidden Figures" was that the astronauts were very brave men. Her only comment about the black women heros was that "that is how it was". So interesting to hear those very words used repeatedly by both white and black characters in the movie.
Most impressive for me again is her translation of "different" into "threat". Be it food, clothes, any people who stray from old Wasp cultural morals it seems she feels/sees a threat lurking all around. She feels judged, so she judges back.
Hip surgery: I have an oogatie feeling. There is something about it running around inside Mom. She was very very worried about "taking the spotlight" from Barbie and her surgery. Took me awhile to back-figure that one. Also whenever she visits the clinic she needs a wheel chair, presenting herself as very weak from pain. I know it is IMPOSSIBLE for her to have manipulated this situation into being, but fuck, at times it feels like she did.
Health note: Mom is coughing again at night. Wet and hard coughs. She presses her hands on her upper chest and it takes several seconds for her to breathe normally again. After the shower she had a difficulty breathing, after being in the the cold evening air she had difficulty breathing. Normal for COPD? Is there something else that could/should be done or is it just how it is and will be?
I hope that tomorrow we can begin to sort and arrange her paper work. I am intentionally wrapping all the conversations in strong statements about how this information will be needed in the future, but not now....Navigating thru and around the castles of denial is gonna be a fun trip.
Saturday, January 28, 2017
Porcupine
Saturday 01/28
Yesterday was a good day. Up early for a happy visit with Barbie. Barbie told me and Mom lots of good stuff about the process of the injection, hip surgery, including the insurance situation. It appeared to me that Mom settled down a bit about the whole thing. Thanks Barbie!
Mom was manic preparing for the injection. Changing clothes, applying lots of make up. For a minute I thought it felt like she was preparing for a date. Dr. Hix is a good looking guy with a very personable and gentle manner. Her regard for men.... The procedure went well and seemed to be painless. Mom got right off the table and walked straight backed.
As seems to be Mom's habit whenever she is out of the house, we stopped to buy stuff, this time at Walgreen's. A toilet seat with arms to help her get up and down was a good reason (again, thanks Barbie for good ideas and information). Then she began grabbing junk that attracted her attention as we walked thru the isles. Finally, there was some sort of problem at the check out about getting her discount. She got frustrated, mad and then sort of sad and scared. When we got in the car she spewed stuff in her judgmental way. (The woman at the check-out was a cute, young, sort of androgynous person in her hair style and manner of dress. (Lesbians are too ugly to get men, Walgreen's cheats old people...)
When we got back to the house she was tired but happy about her painless hip. However, she talked a great deal about how she will not need "anyone in her house to help" after the surgery. I got a bit spun up, but then realized that she gets very resistant when she doesn't know about things. Discomfort covered up by her tough, need-less character.
Judgements. Mom is like a porcupine covered in arrows of judgement that will jab any one who gets too close, anyone who speaks what she considers to be a judgement of her in anyway. Judgements are her barometer and her armor. An interesting example: She has been very mean and resistant to the whole idea that Sticklers comes from "our family". I found out yesterday that Lorita made a comment about Sticklers coming from the Towsley side of the family. Mom took it in as a judgement, that she and her Towsley blood were bad, deficient, the cause of pain. Therefore it is not true....it is bullshit...it is a society of people who have to have a name for everything....it is a way for weak people.
I have come to understand a bit about why mom-stlye of judgement is so annoying to me...why I have a need to discount it, to feel affronted or insulted by it. I guess I learned something from her about being a porcupine myself. Personally my avoidance-of-judgement mode has been to re-write the story in my head rather than lash out.....
Today will be FUN. I so treasure the days spent with my sisters....
Yesterday was a good day. Up early for a happy visit with Barbie. Barbie told me and Mom lots of good stuff about the process of the injection, hip surgery, including the insurance situation. It appeared to me that Mom settled down a bit about the whole thing. Thanks Barbie!
Mom was manic preparing for the injection. Changing clothes, applying lots of make up. For a minute I thought it felt like she was preparing for a date. Dr. Hix is a good looking guy with a very personable and gentle manner. Her regard for men.... The procedure went well and seemed to be painless. Mom got right off the table and walked straight backed.
As seems to be Mom's habit whenever she is out of the house, we stopped to buy stuff, this time at Walgreen's. A toilet seat with arms to help her get up and down was a good reason (again, thanks Barbie for good ideas and information). Then she began grabbing junk that attracted her attention as we walked thru the isles. Finally, there was some sort of problem at the check out about getting her discount. She got frustrated, mad and then sort of sad and scared. When we got in the car she spewed stuff in her judgmental way. (The woman at the check-out was a cute, young, sort of androgynous person in her hair style and manner of dress. (Lesbians are too ugly to get men, Walgreen's cheats old people...)
When we got back to the house she was tired but happy about her painless hip. However, she talked a great deal about how she will not need "anyone in her house to help" after the surgery. I got a bit spun up, but then realized that she gets very resistant when she doesn't know about things. Discomfort covered up by her tough, need-less character.
Judgements. Mom is like a porcupine covered in arrows of judgement that will jab any one who gets too close, anyone who speaks what she considers to be a judgement of her in anyway. Judgements are her barometer and her armor. An interesting example: She has been very mean and resistant to the whole idea that Sticklers comes from "our family". I found out yesterday that Lorita made a comment about Sticklers coming from the Towsley side of the family. Mom took it in as a judgement, that she and her Towsley blood were bad, deficient, the cause of pain. Therefore it is not true....it is bullshit...it is a society of people who have to have a name for everything....it is a way for weak people.
I have come to understand a bit about why mom-stlye of judgement is so annoying to me...why I have a need to discount it, to feel affronted or insulted by it. I guess I learned something from her about being a porcupine myself. Personally my avoidance-of-judgement mode has been to re-write the story in my head rather than lash out.....
Today will be FUN. I so treasure the days spent with my sisters....
Thursday, January 26, 2017
Our Snatchquatch Logo
01/26/2017
I have been entertaining myself with a bit of art to use as a logo for this blog. YOUR opinion matters!! Of course, I am also thinking how to apply this to our plans.....
I have been entertaining myself with a bit of art to use as a logo for this blog. YOUR opinion matters!! Of course, I am also thinking how to apply this to our plans.....
Thursday 01/26//2017
Snowing this morning....gray wet spitter spatter. The air is full of the snow smell. The snow smell is full of memories for me.
The event of the day:
Went to the OSMC to see Dr. Hix, yesterday, about Mom's hip pain. She got a complete examination, including x-rays. The x-ray shows that the her right hip is "bone-on-bone" due to arthritis. Dr. Hix suggested that a cortisone injection might temporarily relieve some of the pain, but ultimately the only fix is hip replacement.
Dr. Hix said that Mom appears healthy enough to have the surgery. He spoke for a few minutes about the surgical process and suggested which surgeons she could talk to.
We scheduled an injection for today at 1:30 to buy some time.
Mom appears most willing to have the surgery has spoken several times, since the Dr. visit,
about getting her "freedom back".
So, after the Dr. visit, we went to the Golden Egg restaurant to celebrate......<snark>
I spent several hours indulging in some sour thought spinning:
Spinning #1: HOW is it possible that SHE could manage to need hip replacement NOW?
Spinning #2: Is that happiness behind her eyes? Freedom? Opportunity to embed a drama?
Spinning #3: Freedom to do what?
And many more.......do-da-do-da-dahhhhhhh
Possible dates for her surgery could very well be a problem since Barbie will be in recovery till 03/23 and Bevie and I will be in Belize 03/07 till 03/21. This sucks.
Bevie came to visit after she was finished with work. Nice visit.
Snowing this morning....gray wet spitter spatter. The air is full of the snow smell. The snow smell is full of memories for me.
The event of the day:
Went to the OSMC to see Dr. Hix, yesterday, about Mom's hip pain. She got a complete examination, including x-rays. The x-ray shows that the her right hip is "bone-on-bone" due to arthritis. Dr. Hix suggested that a cortisone injection might temporarily relieve some of the pain, but ultimately the only fix is hip replacement.
Dr. Hix said that Mom appears healthy enough to have the surgery. He spoke for a few minutes about the surgical process and suggested which surgeons she could talk to.
We scheduled an injection for today at 1:30 to buy some time.
Mom appears most willing to have the surgery has spoken several times, since the Dr. visit,
about getting her "freedom back".
So, after the Dr. visit, we went to the Golden Egg restaurant to celebrate......<snark>
I spent several hours indulging in some sour thought spinning:
Spinning #1: HOW is it possible that SHE could manage to need hip replacement NOW?
Spinning #2: Is that happiness behind her eyes? Freedom? Opportunity to embed a drama?
Spinning #3: Freedom to do what?
And many more.......do-da-do-da-dahhhhhhh
Possible dates for her surgery could very well be a problem since Barbie will be in recovery till 03/23 and Bevie and I will be in Belize 03/07 till 03/21. This sucks.
Bevie came to visit after she was finished with work. Nice visit.
Tuesday, January 24, 2017
Monday 01/23/2017
Monday 01/23/2017
I will journal in every day sometime with some information and observances.....
Last night was quiet after everyone left, we all drifted off to bed slowly. And slept well.
👵👵👵👌👌
We got up at about 8:30. Breakfast was nice and full of discussion. We dressed and took for the shoe store in Goshen. Was a fun shopping trip; Molly got some cute blue shoes and some slippers for her upcoming trip to Minneapolis. Mom got some Haflinger slippers.
I'm not so sure Mom likes the slippers as well as first thought. <shug> if she doesn't want them maybe Barbie or I can snatch them up.
We stopped for lunch at the Indian Restaurant next door to the shoe store. They had a special plate for new comers to Indian food and Mom loved it. Even ate some Mago dessert.
Molly left for Bloom at about 12:30. Mom and I roamed the Meijer grocery for few items. We got home about 2:30. Had a nice chat and she showed me some old fotos of the Peters side of the family from the 40's and early 50's. I plan to take them home and refresh them and reprint them on good photo stock. Should be fun.
The Real Services people called to set up appointment, but we missed the call. Calling they back is #1 on the agenda for tomorrow. Also to plan to get appointment with the Hip doctor. If you have any thoughts or concerns bout those 2 items, post here or call me.
Later in the day:
Mom mentioned that she wanted a Jitterbug smart phone. I checked out the phone(s) and the service plans on the website: www.greatcall.com.
I found it interesting that there are several services packages available that include senior assistance and care.
Phones are simple and have text, camera and photo sharing features. Not terribly hard for tech-NO-Grandma.All the phones and phone services are available for review on www.greatcall.com. Local vendors are WalMart and Sears.
I am recommending a hands on examination of the phone and it's operations.
Mom expressed some resistance to the senior assistance packages.
Mom had a 2 hour struggle with her failing capacities today- her leg gave out and she was so distracted with the pain that some other things got jumbled in her head.
First she was willing to share her thinking and then dropped into the old familiar mode of insensate demands sans any thought to the consequences of her demands. Lots of what I observe to be pent up fears caught in the cadge of her of loss of control of her life as well as the construct of denial she wraps any challenges in.
Interesting today; I saw Mom's Divine Trinity manifest.
Father - The shroud of worthlessness.
Son - The robe of being a tough person.
Holy Ghost - The translucent veil spun from the denial that change is occurring.
The shrine she has built, is building is a mighty working.
Oh, yeah - I met her true lover for the first time - The King of Paranoia holding his mighty spear of destiny.......
I am testing my dynamic process shift changes often
Off to bed,
Snatchercolli Love,
Saga
I will journal in every day sometime with some information and observances.....
Last night was quiet after everyone left, we all drifted off to bed slowly. And slept well.
👵👵👵👌👌
We got up at about 8:30. Breakfast was nice and full of discussion. We dressed and took for the shoe store in Goshen. Was a fun shopping trip; Molly got some cute blue shoes and some slippers for her upcoming trip to Minneapolis. Mom got some Haflinger slippers.
I'm not so sure Mom likes the slippers as well as first thought. <shug> if she doesn't want them maybe Barbie or I can snatch them up.
We stopped for lunch at the Indian Restaurant next door to the shoe store. They had a special plate for new comers to Indian food and Mom loved it. Even ate some Mago dessert.
Molly left for Bloom at about 12:30. Mom and I roamed the Meijer grocery for few items. We got home about 2:30. Had a nice chat and she showed me some old fotos of the Peters side of the family from the 40's and early 50's. I plan to take them home and refresh them and reprint them on good photo stock. Should be fun.
The Real Services people called to set up appointment, but we missed the call. Calling they back is #1 on the agenda for tomorrow. Also to plan to get appointment with the Hip doctor. If you have any thoughts or concerns bout those 2 items, post here or call me.
Mom mentioned that she wanted a Jitterbug smart phone. I checked out the phone(s) and the service plans on the website: www.greatcall.com.
I found it interesting that there are several services packages available that include senior assistance and care.
Phones are simple and have text, camera and photo sharing features. Not terribly hard for tech-NO-Grandma.All the phones and phone services are available for review on www.greatcall.com. Local vendors are WalMart and Sears.
I am recommending a hands on examination of the phone and it's operations.
Mom expressed some resistance to the senior assistance packages.
Mom had a 2 hour struggle with her failing capacities today- her leg gave out and she was so distracted with the pain that some other things got jumbled in her head.
First she was willing to share her thinking and then dropped into the old familiar mode of insensate demands sans any thought to the consequences of her demands. Lots of what I observe to be pent up fears caught in the cadge of her of loss of control of her life as well as the construct of denial she wraps any challenges in.
Interesting today; I saw Mom's Divine Trinity manifest.
Father - The shroud of worthlessness.
Son - The robe of being a tough person.
Holy Ghost - The translucent veil spun from the denial that change is occurring.
The shrine she has built, is building is a mighty working.
Oh, yeah - I met her true lover for the first time - The King of Paranoia holding his mighty spear of destiny.......
I am testing my dynamic process shift changes often
Off to bed,
Snatchercolli Love,
Saga
Cant Sleep
6:30 AM - Tuesday 01/24/2017
I could not sleep last night. The monster of paranoia and fear who lives in this house kept whispering in my ear. I got out of bed thinking it would be best for me to rent a car and drive back to the safety of my North Carolina hide out.
Be a grown up, be a child, be extracted, be involved, marvel at the deep vortex of the ancient dynamic of family. I yearn for 20 minutes of clarity. Discriminate boundaries are shadows in every room.
My truth: My Mother's needs hide behind her eyes. Her desires run around in flashes that change colors 300 times a day. This is the mother I have always known. Only the circumstances have changed.
I could not sleep last night. The monster of paranoia and fear who lives in this house kept whispering in my ear. I got out of bed thinking it would be best for me to rent a car and drive back to the safety of my North Carolina hide out.
Be a grown up, be a child, be extracted, be involved, marvel at the deep vortex of the ancient dynamic of family. I yearn for 20 minutes of clarity. Discriminate boundaries are shadows in every room.
My truth: My Mother's needs hide behind her eyes. Her desires run around in flashes that change colors 300 times a day. This is the mother I have always known. Only the circumstances have changed.
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