Porcupine

Saturday 01/28

Yesterday was a good day. Up early for a happy visit with Barbie. Barbie told me and Mom lots of good stuff about the process of the injection, hip surgery, including the insurance situation.  It appeared to me that Mom settled down a bit about the whole thing.   Thanks Barbie!

Mom was manic preparing for the injection.  Changing clothes, applying lots of make up.  For a minute I thought it felt like she was preparing for a date.  Dr. Hix is a good looking guy with a very personable and gentle manner. Her regard for men.... The procedure went well and seemed to be painless.  Mom got right off the table and walked straight backed.

As seems to be Mom's habit whenever she is out of the house, we stopped to buy stuff, this time at Walgreen's.  A toilet seat with arms to help her get up and down was a good reason (again, thanks Barbie for good ideas and information). Then she began grabbing junk that attracted her attention as we walked thru the isles. Finally, there was some sort of problem at the check out about getting her discount.  She got frustrated, mad and then sort of sad and scared. When we got in the car she spewed stuff in her judgmental way.  (The woman at the check-out was a cute, young, sort of androgynous person in her hair style and manner of dress. (Lesbians are too ugly to get men, Walgreen's cheats old people...)

When we got back to the house she was tired but happy about her painless hip.  However, she talked a great deal about how she will not need "anyone in her house to help" after the surgery.  I got a bit spun up, but then realized that she gets very resistant when she doesn't know about things.  Discomfort covered up by her tough, need-less character.

Judgements.  Mom is like a porcupine covered in arrows of judgement that will jab any one who gets too close, anyone who speaks what she considers to be a judgement of her in anyway.  Judgements are her barometer and her armor.  An interesting example: She has been very mean and resistant to the whole idea that Sticklers comes from "our family".  I found out yesterday that Lorita made a comment about Sticklers coming from the Towsley side of the family.  Mom took it in as a judgement, that she and her Towsley blood were bad, deficient, the cause of pain.  Therefore it is not true....it is bullshit...it is a society of people who have to have a name for everything....it is a way for weak people.

I have come to understand a bit about why mom-stlye of judgement is so annoying to me...why I have a need to discount it, to feel affronted or insulted by it.  I guess I learned something from her about being a porcupine myself.  Personally my avoidance-of-judgement mode has been to re-write the story in my head rather than lash out.....

Today will be FUN.  I so treasure the days spent with my sisters....